Shared Humanity
Humans are wired for connection. It begins as infants when we depend on an adult to take care of our basic needs. Studies have shown that babies actually need physical interactions to thrive. Around school-age, we begin interacting with peers and enters a different kind of desire for connection. Children seek acceptance and long to connect with other students. Feeling excluded or isolated often leads to hurt and potential for later mental health concerns. Research on adolescent brain development says that teenagers are lean on these peer influences so that they learn to become independent from their parents. Teenagers long to be understood and also tend to focus largely on romantic and intimate relationships, again seeking love and acceptance.
Human connection is central to all stages of life. Most adults desire close friendships or support from peers/co-workers. Some seek long-term commitment and partnerships. Others seek love and affection as needed. Some adults still long for acceptance and assurance from their parents. Again, the core component of all of these desires is a deeper connection with others. I have read that our brains are wired for connection but after they experience trauma, their brains are rewired for protection. I have seen this manifest in my personal and professional experiences time and time again. Trauma, fear, and heartbreak are fueling a culture of distrust and distancing us from our shared humanity.
Our world is divided, from political party to gender to religion to neighborhoods. The media in all forms tends to focus more on our differences than our commonalities. I believe this is a crisis that is largely being overlooked. When is the last time you talked to your neighbor or even someone standing next to you in line? Or even had a conversation with a close friend or significant other about something other than how stressful your day was? This is not said to dismiss our emotional response to overwhelming daily responsibilities, but instead to balance that with a deeper connection with other humans about those shared emotions.
Clients and friends alike have shared with me how difficult it is to simply talk to people. Technology benefits us in countless ways (without it, you wouldn’t be reading this blog at this very moment). However, I believe it is also a detriment to our communication skills. Social media has become an outlet where we compare our worst to other’s best and seek validation for our pain and suffering. Pain and suffering are natural human experiences, just as happiness and beauty are. We crave this connection with others on a cellular level, yet continue to create more distance between us. We have forgotten that we have much more in common than not.
The concept of human connection has been on my mind a lot recently. I wanted to share my thoughts in hopes that it will resonate with others and spark an interest in wading through uncomfortable emotions and uncertainty in efforts to connect with fellow humans. I actually bought a book this week titled The Illusion of Separateness by Simon Van Booy and am eager to read it. This is in no way an exhaustive post on the subject, as there are many directions this conversation could and should develop. I would love to hear your thoughts though.
“We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.” - Thich Nhat Hanh