Managing Holiday Stress
Holidays are a time of excitement and joy, and for most, they are events we look forward to all year long. Spending time with family and friends, eating good food, and opening gifts have become paramount to our end-of-year celebrations. Let’s be honest though, many people are under tremendous pressure during the last few months of the year and holidays can add to this stress. Sure, the collective societal perception is that holiday season is all about fun and relaxation; however, the reality is that our holiday gatherings have become immaculate and expensive.
This pressure, felt by parents and children alike, is often overlooked or ignored because “that’s just the way it is.” I believe it is important to be aware of our emotional response during the holidays so we can choose how to manage it. We can choose the status quo, or we can take control of how we respond during stressful times. Our families-of-origin have a huge impact on our mental and emotional well-being. We can choose to be satisfied with the existing norm or use our time together during the holidays to do something different and strengthen these relationships.
A critical step in effectively managing stress is to identify the source. Some people have intense year end work deadlines and struggle to take time off to be with their families. Even when they do take off, their attention seems focused elsewhere, which may be misunderstood by others and create more friction. Others might feel the pressure of familial expectations, from showing up to all events, to questions about who you’re bringing with you. We get sucked into this family trance of expectations.
Money pressure, anxiety, and seasonal depression often get overlooked in the Winter months as well. Some families have unresolved trauma and pent up pain and resentment between members from years past. Even children feel the pressure, from taking final exams to being on their best behavior for guests. These examples can impact you regardless of your age or how long you have been out of the nest. Examples such as these, and the memories going through your mind right now, can add tension and strain the connections further.
How many of you joke about dreading your school-aged kids being home for longer than two days in a row (but secretly mean it)? With children being home for weeks at a time, most parents struggle to maintain their normal work schedules. They must balance keeping them occupied while also tending to everyday responsibilities, PLUS the additional tasks of holiday shopping and seasonal events. This can be extremely overwhelming! It is important to acknowledge the stress and pressure we are all experiencing so you can start changing the narrative.
One choice we do have is how we utilize the time we spend together. Holidays are the perfect time to enjoy quality time together as a family. These days it seems too many are engaged in binge-watching Netflix in separate rooms or fixated on smartphones and tablets while at home. These hobbies can be great as mindless activities to unwind, but not so great at fostering connections between family members.
The opportunities for connection at home are endless, and as a bonus, the activities that can lead to the most connection require minimal funds! It can be as simple as getting everyone involved in holiday meal prep. Younger kids can wash vegetables and entertain, while older children can chop produce, mix ingredients, or set the table. Some of my favorite memories from holidays take place in the kitchen with old stained cookbooks and bossy grandmothers.
Another easy way to get families engaged is to play games together! Growing up, my family would occasionally play baseball in the backyard. Now on most holidays, we play board games together. One of my favorites is Pictionary; none of us are artistic, but that makes it so much more enjoyable. Laughing together is a great stress reducer. The point isn’t to compete or compare skills, it is simply to enjoy one another’s company. Creating family traditions can give family members something positive to look forward to.
The most important step to strengthening connection is simply communicating. You may already be doing activities that foster connection and just not realize the impact it is having long-term. Looking through family photo albums is a great way to teach children about their family. You might even realize patterns and themes you hadn’t noticed before. You could go on a nature walk or hike together. Getting some fresh air doubles as a great stress reducer and exercise!
I encourage you to do something different this year. Remember that you do have a choice and you can control your reactions if you are aware of your emotions. Give yourself a break from your to-do list for a day. Check in with your kids and ask them how they’re feeling about the end of their semester. Remember what truly makes the holidays special is being with people that you love. Whether you’re stuck inside or enjoying the great outdoors, appreciate your time together while you can.