Boundaries
What comes to mind when you hear the word “boundary?” It has become a bit of a buzzword yet its meaning is left to interpretation. Maybe you think about a boundary that you’ve set in your own life. Maybe you think about a time in which your boundaries have been violated. Or maybe you wonder how you would even go about setting a boundary with someone in your life. Keep reading to learn about different kinds of boundaries, taboos about them, and ways to practice implementing them in your life.
There are many types of boundaries. Physical boundaries prevent you from entering somewhere that you aren’t supposed to be. They are often meant to protect property or material possessions, ensuring safety. Mental/emotional boundaries tell someone how a person wants to be treated or spoken to. They create an expectation of how the relationship should proceed. Time boundaries exist to prioritize tasks and obligations, aka time management.
Boundaries can be rigid or porous, firm or flexible. Like physical boundaries, mental/emotional boundaries exist to protect us as well. They are often put in place to keep us safe from danger or triggers. After a boundary is set or stated, it often has to be reinforced a few times before the other person learns what you will and will not tolerate. It is important to be consistent with the enforcement of a boundary so that others learn where the line is.
Implementing Boundaries
Setting boundaries with others can be intimidating, especially if it’s a new experience for you. Others may respond with an attitude or try to convince you to do what they want you to do anyway. It is common to experience resistance from those you’re close with, especially family members. Often, we expect others to continue behaving or responding in the way they have in the past. When you change your response or create a “rule” of what you will and will not do anymore, others may be surprised.
It is important to follow through with the stated consequence of crossing your boundary in order to be taken seriously moving forward. It is equally important to note that another person doesn’t have to agree with your boundary for it to be important or necessary. Only you can know what you are and are not comfortable with, and that can change over time. You may not have known you had the option to say no or stand up for yourself before now; or didn’t feel confident enough to do so. Even kids should have the power to set boundaries with their bodies and personal space. Sadly, this is not always the case though.
Take a minute to reflect on relationships you’re part of and situations you consistently feel uncomfortable with. This area probably needs a boundary. Think about what would help you feel more comfortable. It could be a change in behavior or change in attitude/tone. Maybe you don’t want to continue this relationship or interaction any longer. You don’t have to be rude or aggressive; simply state the boundary that you need to implement in order to continue this relationship. I’ve included some suggestions below.
Example Statements:
It makes me uncomfortable when you ___. Please don’t do that around me anymore.
I don’t want to ___.
No thank you.
Could you take a step back? You’re getting too close to me.
I don’t want to talk about it right now.
I’d like to be alone for a while.
Please don’t use my stuff without asking.
I will not tolerate this behavior anymore.