Inner Critic
What is it?
Your inner critic is that voice in your head that tells you that you cannot do something; that you aren’t good enough; that you are going to fail. Those statements that you hear in your mind but would NEVER say to a close friend. It is the voice that nurtures the seed of doubt, planted long ago. It heightens insecurities and exacerbates uncertainty. An inner dialogue that limits your capabilities and causes you to second-guess your decisions. Some describe it as a little devil on their shoulder. Others explain it as constant chatter in their head, paralyzing them from choosing or progressing. Some hear it faintly; some hear it loudly. Some believe it’s passive; others find it aggressive.
Does any of this sound familiar?? Are you surprised to find out that you are not alone and not crazy? Hearing this voice from time to time is normal and can often be managed by retraining your brain and some coping skills. It can become debilitating though for those who hear it constantly or hear multiple voices. (Disclaimer: Hearing multiple voices can also be a sign of hallucinations or delusions and you should see a mental health clinician if this applies to you.)
Where does it come from?
While this voice may sound like your own, it is not an accurate reflection of your authentic self or persona. Your inner critic is influenced by the messages you have received from others. We may not realize the origin of these messages, yet most of those seeds were planted long ago. Early childhood and traumatic experiences are imprinted in our unconscious minds. The statements can come from anyone in your life: parents, teachers, friends, bosses, etc. Over time, those seeds get nurtured by hearing certain messages repeated: “You’re not good enough.” “You can’t do that.” “That activity is for boys or girls.” These messages create learned limitations within our minds. These messages then begin playing on a loop, preventing us from achieving tasks or learning a new skill.
Reframe
Although the statements you hear may sound mean or even cruel, that voice could also be trying to protect you. We experience fear and anxiety for a reason. Our minds want to protect us from pain and hurt. One problem though is that the fast-paced lifestyle of the Western world increases demands and heightens expectations. As a result, our brains are in over-drive, flooded with racing thoughts and what ifs. These messages have shifted from having good intentions, protecting us, to harming us! Keep reading to learn more about this what you can do about it.
How do I get rid of it?
You can continue trying to ignore it… but I imagine that hasn’t worked well. Attempting to drown the voice with substances may allow for some short-term relief, but often avoiding a problem simply perpetuates it. I bet you don’t even realize how often you feed your inner critic with more negative self-talk and accepting it’s messages as truth. Recognizing that this chatter is not your true self and separating your authentic identity is a great first step. I often encourage clients to name this critic at first to help you reduce feelings of guilt and shame (Another Disclaimer: This does not induce multiple personalities.)
Another tip is to choose a code word to use when you experience negative self-talk to assist you in increasing self-awareness of when and how often it happens. You may be surprised to become aware of how many negative thoughts we have about ourselves each day. It may be challenging to recognize the messages at first because they have become so automatic. Sharing this word with people close to you allows them to highlight those messages for you to increase your self-awareness.
These unhelpful thought processes are normal and can be managed with practice. We can remind our brains every day that we are not in danger in this moment and that it does not need to protect us right now; not every new experience is dangerous. Over time, you can learn to replace the negative self-talk with positive affirmations, messages you would tell someone you love. If this is challenging for you, strive for neutral statements instead! Remember, like any new skill, progress is gradual and takes time.
“You spend most of your life inside your head... make it a nice place to be.”